aperspective

okej nu har jag landat och sovit och packat upp och allt sånt! jag är nu i djungeln!!! :D öööhm okej jag vet inte riktigt vad jag ska skriva för så mycket har hänt redan... eller typ inte, har bara varit med kompisar och haft party med dom och käkat pizza och chillat med Tobias till klockan 4 på morgonen och sånt där. Det vanliga, typ. jag är här, och det är bra men det är hur konstigt som helst. Det kommer ta en till vecka innan jag faktiskt fattar att jag är här och då kommer jag att... uuh göra nått. jag vet inte. jag är trött.

Åååååh jag åar mig för att internet är sÅ segt här. När man laddar facebook sidan så hinner man göra en kopp kaffe och SEN är den klar. jag kommer få panik på riktigt. så det kommer inte att komma jättemycket bilder kan jag inte säga. HAH.

Cuz i'm leaving, on a jetplane. I don't know when i'll be back again - just hold me like you'll never let me gooooooo.

theme song of my life. Goodbye Sweden, goodbye friends, goodbye cat, goodbye big brother, goodbye house, goodbye goodbye goodbye. I'll see you all in one year... but that's a long way away and i'll miss you all dearly. Terribly. There's not really much more i can say because the words "i miss you" aren't potent enough to express it all.
Oh, and this blog is going swedish now. Just fyi.
So... hejdå.

so i just realized something. I'm leaving... that kind of sucks.

I'm packing right now which means that the entire house is turned upside down to make sure i'm not forgetting anything, which is inevitable and therefore bound to happen anyway.

And apparantly I'm graduating on friday and people seem to think that's a big deal... i dunno there's just so much other stuff going through my head i can't really seem to care about it.

This is update is about as discontinuous up and un-flowing as my head right now, and my life sooooo... yeah. I think i'm starting to freak out. Slightly. How in the WORLD am i going to manage to pack my life in 30 kilos, have a grad party, get this house cleaned up and ready for when we coem back in a year, AND say goodbye to everyone i love here. Basically, i'm gunna need some devine intervention.

okay now back to George the Suitcase.

Hellooooooooo!
I've been gone for about a week now and i havent had internet so no blogging or facebook. a little piece of me died. aanyways, now i'm back! And i leave in freaking... 10 days. it's crazy. absolutely off the top crazy. so i'm not going to have a lot of time on here. It's me and my suitcase who are going to spend quite some time getting to know each other... i'll name him George i think. Hello George.

Hmm. Here i am, another late school night (morning) studying my ass off with a cup of coffee gone cold. Why do I do this? Because i am undisciplined and do not have enough will power to start studing at least 2 days before exams. Well... umm.
At least I... nope, nothing. Let's see how it goes tomorrow, thank God I start at 1:30 pm instead of having to get up at 5:45 in the morning!
Aaaah okay this little pause from my cram-session has been too long. I'm envisioning success... I mean, I can do this! Yes! Okay i'm going now.

First though, just a smidgen of what i've "learned":
According to Humanistic Psychology, I am self-actualizing myself and following my intrinsic-organismic valuing process by studying hard and doing good on my exams.... but only if i am an independent person and have received unconditional love in my upbringing, and am sure enough of myself to know what I want and not simply go along with what society is shoving in my face.
Hm. So... is this really self-actualizing or is it an illusion? Don't you just looove how psychology explains behaviour/mental processes??

I miss it, and i was looking at pictures, and then i missed it some more.
This is the view:



3 more days, and then i am DONE with highschool. Hm, since i spent absolutely ALL day yesterday on facebook and various other time consuming/wasting things like play Bubble Shooter, and eat too many cookies. :D that and i Skyped with Becca for about 3 hours into the wee hours of the morning. when i went to bed it was light outside, good times.
Sorry this is lame but i nothing to write because right now my life is defined by reading textbooks within these walls. slightly tragic, but only 3 more days!!!!!!!!!!!

On saturday was the annual Spring Market thing that our little town does, i don't know why but it's cute.
I was there and helped sell some donuts and coffee, and guess what? There was a cotton candy booth!!! Does it get any better than that? i DON'T think so!!!!! I got a pink one.
Then when i sat in the sun i got sunburt - never. will. i. learn.         ever.
oh well, if thats the price i had to pay for my fluffy, whisky, soft, sweet strawberry cotton candy, then i would do it gladly. PLUS these two lovlies were there! Happiness.

yes i did.
hm it's a little bit too short - the lady was scissor crazy i tell you!

AAH! i love love life! and i strongly recommend others to do the same, well not love my life (although i'm not holding anybody back) but love your life! Go on adventurous walks, sit in a field of yellow flowers holding a red blanket as a cape blowing in the wind. splendid. People WILL think you're an idiot but its a happy feeling in my tummy. And that is what we did today. After drinking coffee with some cute old ladies after church, Jenny and Nathalie and I went on an awandering adventure. Starting at the store buying cookies and apples and Pepsi and other necessities, we promenaded up the hill to the lookout, and killed some ants who were stealing our food. dont steal our food. A multitude of lame awkward amazing pictures were then taken that i'm scared to post on the internet :D We climbed a few trees and jumped a fence and crossed the road and we found a HILL! an amazing hill with lots of yellow flowers, and there was a huge big white rock perfect for sitting. Quite a few hours were spent on that rock listening to cell phone music and talking. When it was Time, we headed homeward running down the road with our blankets as capes thrashing in the wind as we yelled "EEEEAAAGLLLEE" at the top of our lungs. That, that was pure joy radiating for my very being. You should try it.

And as requested by my little brother, this is how today related back to you, Tobias: When we were sitting on that boulder philosophising about life, i was thinking of how when i get back to PNG we'll go find a hill or something of the sort and sit and paint and play music, and how i'm gonna be so mad that my younger brother is better at the guitar than i am. But i'll catch up i swear i will. And we'll listen to Manchester Orchestra.

They haven't gotten to me yet! Moahahahahaha. Exams, that is. Because, i can now BURN all my Swedish papers/binders! BURN!!!!! beautiful, beautiful flames. When i got home from that swedish exam, Nathalie and Malin and I made the most wonderful food, and all was right with the world. yes it was.

And now for Biology tomorrow. On the positive side, i get to sleep tomorrow (just checked my schedule) until 11 or something! I know the phases of Mitosis and Meiosis, thanks to Nathalie's awesome memory skillzzz . And also, the function of lipids. The rest is a bit shaky so lets hope for the best! And even if i don't rock this test, life goes on, the world keeps spinning, cows continue to moo, i will still get freckles, my dad will still be Leif... basically, as a certain Bob Marley says, "don't worry about a thing, cuz every little thing is gonna be all right!" Bob is a smart guy.

it is now 8:30 in the morning. i've already been to school and back. Waking up with an adrenaline rush x10 at 6:20 i ran off to the bus (not) ready to do my first swedish exam at 8:00. At school i see nobody from my class; i look at my schedule. My exams start today, at 12:30. blöörg. Not in the mood for studying at school, i take the bus back home, well, to Nathalie's because i'm staying here this week. Good start to these next three weeks of pure exams and test taking. Feels good. Okay now i'm off to my first exam, again.

probably for a longer time than i should. anyways, its from a song, Intencity in Ten Cities by Chiodos. Listen to it its beautufuffle. and in my mind that IS a word.
i finally bought some milk today! which, tragic as it is, is probably the most productive thing i've achieved this day - not counting the frustration poured out over my math text book. still. milk! i've been living off of powdered milk for about a week now, and no matter how much nostalgia it brings and no matter how much i will myself to like it... no. so uuh now you know how i feel about milk. i swear, i'm making myself stupider by the minute. don't you feel enlightened now? i thought so.

there is a point where you have done all you can do, when any more exertion creates no difference, when no more information can be crammed into the cluttered mess i at the moment call my mind. i reached that point yesterday, and it feels good. So i finally let loose the creative side of me and painted and doodled like i haven't in months -  and i feel no remorse. What will come will come, examwise. So i won't get the perfect grade, but honestly there are more important things to occupy my thoughts and my time. And by things i mean people, relationships. When i'm 90 years old swinging in my hammock on my future veranda sipping tea, i hope i will still remember the adventures and memories made with my friends - not feeling sick to the stomach about exams. I'm  not saying that i'm not worried and care about my grades, its just... not the world. and that's a relief to think about. :D

It's going to be okay in the end. If it's not okay, then it's not the end. - Somebody